Finger Licking Good

I have for years wanted to secretly tape people eating buffalo wings, and start a web site called "people of buffalo wings", or some other clever title. Why? Because its hilarious!

Seriously next time you go to a wing place, just people watch for a while. There are so many types. 

Some shove the entire wing in their mouth and gnaw off all the meat and sauce in one stealth move. I envy those people. 

Don't confuse these people with those who suck on the bone, the stealth wing eaters know when to call it quits and move on to the next. The bone suckers will have the bone so clean you could make a necklace out of it. It's also accompanied by smacking of the lips and a lot of grunting. 

Some take delicate little bites as to not make a mess of their face and hands. News flash, when your eating sauces laden food you eat with your hands, it's unavoidable. Suck it up, and get a little messy. 

There are the people like me, who have a slight overbite and I can't eat wings "normal". I have to use a fork, or my fingers to get the meat off the bone. It's ridiculous, but my love of chicken wings, spicy garlic to be exact, is stronger than my self consciousness of my caveman approach to wing deliciousness in my belly. 

I have a bad habit of wiping my hands/face after each bite and go through about 6 napkins. The freedom eaters could care less and enjoy the sauce all over and wait until they are all done to wipe up. 

I have to say, the little wet naps they provide really don't do too much except make your hands feel weird. I wash my hands before I eat and again after. I'm that weird obsessive compulsive hand washer person. 

Anyway you eat a wing is correct, because unless I am mistaken there are no etiquette guides on chicken wings? But it's still hilarious to watch people eat them. I only noticed this because someone told me they have never seen anyone eat wings the way I do, and then I had to check out the competition. 

Speaking of which I did that competition at a local joint where you have to eat 6 super hot wings in 5 minutes. I did it, and will never do it again. my mouth was on fire for two days. I like my sauces medium or below, thankyouverymuch. 

Lickety Split

Not only does the term "lickety split" confuse me, it's also just weird. Telling someone you'll be there "lickety split" is a phrase that we say but have no idea what we are saying. How fast exactly IS lickety? Is there a sound barrier that is broken? Is it faster than the speed of light or sound? I am befuddled.

And this phrase wasn't even what my intention was to blog about. But I thought it was a clever title for what I was originally going to write and then I go off in an entirely different direction.

Licking. I was going to talk about licking. By now, you are wondering to yourself just exactly what direction that is heading. Well hold yourself together this is a PG-13 post. When I say licking I mean as in a ice cream cone, sucker or other frozen treat that we use our tongue as tools. 

The fact we lick ice cream comes, or Popsicles cracks me up. Could you imagine eating anything else that way? "Oh thanks for the steak, I'll have this licked clean in no time". I can just imagine a fancy restaurant and all the patrons licking their food. No utensils required. Soup would be my favorite one to watch. Unless it was clam chowder. 

And some people, myself included are biters. I love to bite my ice cream, I love the way the cold feels on my teeth. I have found that a lot of people are very sensitive to this and not a lot of people bite. It's a good thing how we eat ice cream and Popsicles is not how we are introduced to others "this is Ronnie, she's a biter". 

I told you this was PG-13, so get your minds out of the gutters!

Oil Change Conspiracy

I am pretty sure as soon as a woman brings a car to a dealership there is a little flashing light that goes off to notify the mechanics. *inexperienced car lady approaching, up-sell in full force"  And before you get all offended, this is directed at myself and other women who leave car stuff to their husbands, boyfriends, brothers, Dad's etc. So settle down. 

I know nothing about cars, hell I am the first to admit that I am a terrible driver, and I know 99% of people will agree with me. The other 1% are either too young to know better, or drunk. I never took drivers Ed. I failed my driving test about 7 times. I didn't even get my license till I was almost 21 and I think only because the instructors at the license bureau finally got tired of seeing me and finally passed me. With a 71. (70 is passing).  It always seemed a little fishy when I showed up for my driving test and the instructors were huddled together pulling out straws. 

I am pretty sure you will be shocked that I can't even drive a stick shift. Many people have tried, and failed, to teach me. I can't drive a car that requires me to use both feet and hands at the same time. I need one foot free to tap along to music and the other hand free to flip off people who honk at me because I am driving 50 in the fast lane. Plus, shifting gears makes really weird crunching noises which only results in having to buy new car parts. 

You would think with all the brothers I have I would have learned a little something about cars. Nope. Mostly, they just wanted me to stay far away so I didn't hurt myself. I am pretty sure if I had to, I could change a tire, but to save an expensive hospital bill, we pay for roadside assistance. 

So, I am getting an oil change in the Ford, and our Edge is one year old, excellent shape and we get oil changes regularly. Sure enough the guy tries to sell me on all sorts of things, most of which I am pretty sure are made up. And He keeps calling me Veronica, so I call him by a completely wrong name every time he comes out to tell me that my coffee filter is dirty. Which is ridiculous because I don't even drink coffee. 

And the only tv in the waiting room is on ESPN. As soon as I find the remote I am changing it to lifetime. If I have to sit here in misery then only a lifetime made for tv show starring a washed up 80's star will help. Not because I want to watch it, but the expressions of the men having to listen to it would be hilarious.