Ugh. There is nothing worse than a cute little size 2 sales girl who giggles at everything you say, and calls you "hon" or "sweetie". When this happens, I feel myself throw up a little in my mouth, and I think swallowing it would better than the catastrophe of clothes shopping/trying on that is about to happen.
It's not them personally I dislike, more so their lack of understanding what happens to your body after you get older; your hips get bigger, and your metabolism doesn't just slow down, it head on collides with a giant stop sign. They mock you by knocking on the door of the dressing room you are in and bringing you a x-small shirt and say "hi hon, thought this would go great with the pants you are trying on". I often ignore them, even when they ask if everything is okay, because I am pretty sure they don't want to hear my response. I have often thought in my head would go one of two ways:
1. A quote taken from one of my favorite movies, Bridesmaids: "Why don't you go fuck yourself". I laugh every time I see that scene, or think it in my head. In my opinion it's a good response for any crappy situation. But then an image of my Mom pops in my head and she HATES the "F" word, so I refrain.
2. The second response would be directed towards the girls who call me "hon": "Listen sweetheart, why don't you take this x-small tank top that would probably cover one of my boobs, shove it up your ass, and go get me a medium. Thanks Doll"
But, I remember once I was a skinny teenager, and forgive them for their ignorance. Although I never called anyone "hon" "sweetie", especially people older than me.
After sickening sweet sales girls in clothing stores, trying on jeans has to be the worst possible activity ever. Seriously. I either need to drink a lot before going, or steal an anti-depressant from someone at a Kenny G reunion concert. Or go with my Mom, because she will be totally honest and not let me buy something hideous.
Here are some things I would rather do then try on jeans:
1. Root Canal with no Novocaine
2. Surgery with out anesthesia
3. Watch Gigli and Jersey girl for 2 days straight
4. Wait in line at the DMV, and then when it is just about my turn, go to the back of the line
5. Pluck all my leg hair, one by one
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