Things That Hurt

These are all occurrences that I have experienced, so I am justified in stating that they do in fact, HURT.

1. Sitting at your desk, forgetting that you have ear plugs in your ears, and also attached to your laptop, you get up to go do something, and about lose an ear.

2. Stapling your finger, not once but twice in a matter of ten minutes.

3. Punching yourself in the lip, causing it to bleed because you were sure that hair on your arm was really a giant spider trying to eat you.

4. Getting into a car, and the person driving starts to drive while I am midway through getting in, resulting in my foot getting ran over. (no broken bones, just a big giant bruise).

5. Sitting at the Dr. office, waiting for results of an x-ray (where I had two broken toes), and as she is talking to me, the giant framed in heavy wood picture on the wall falls down, and nails me in the head.

6. When you have the flu, and they stick the q-tips up your nose, into your brain to test what kind you have.

6a. When the nurse who just jabbed your brain drops the q-tip on the floor, and has to do it all over again. I won't say out loud the names I called her in my head. (Nurses put up with a lot of shit, so I forgave her pretty quickly. Even when she lost my blood vial and had to do those over again too).

7. Falling off a boat dock, (sober) in between the boat and dock, scraping the entire side of your body from shoulder to foot on the wooden dock.

8. Being on a boat outing with family and friends, my brother and I were sitting on the front of a boat in front of the glass windshield. (totally legal) Along comes another boat in the no wake zone we were in, speeding past us, creating a huge wake which resulting in my brother and I going through the windshield of the boat. We had so much blood everywhere we looked like we were just massacred. Walking from the dock to the car, people were gasping and asking if we were okay. My Mom, being the RN that she is, said it wasn't necessary to go to the hospital, or Dr. She took us home, pulled out all the glass (that we could find)and even put stitches on my leg. Pulling tiny shards of glass out of your body for two weeks is not fun.

9. Being bit by three different dogs. One in my face, one in my foot, one in my butt. And people wonder why I am scared of dogs.

10. Those old school pony-tail holders with the balls at the end. When you pulled them back to put in your hair, lost your grip and they sprung back and smacked your knuckle.